‘I deserve a break’: Girlfriend-in-law suggests exchanging children with her boyfriend's sister, in order to take a break from caring for her special needs child during the holidays

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  • 01
    Posted by u/kidswaps 20 hours ago AITA for saying I won't "kid swap" over our Christmas holiday?
  • 02
    I (32f) have a brother, "Charles" (38m) who has a girlfriend, "Claire” (35f). Claire has a daughter, "Ruby" (8f), who has additional needs (this will be relevant), and I have a daughter "Bea” (4).
  • 03
    We are all, along with my mine and Charles's parents, going to be on a family holiday over Christmas. Claire was originally not bringing Ruby as she was meant to be staying with her father but her dad is a flake and cancelled so Claire is now bringing her.
  • 04
    For some context, Claire loves my daughter, which is great. She will volunteer to babysit her (I don't need babysitting as I'm a SAHM and my mother is nearby for emergencies) unprompted, and whenever we see her at events she always wants to play with Bea. Bea loves her and it's nice to see, but it is noticeable how she will spend a whole afternoon fussing over Bea even when me and my husband are perfectly capable of looking after her. But again, she's great with Bea so we don't mind.
  • 05
    A couple of days ago Claire and I were texting about what to pack for the trip as I was lending her some clothes. During this, I sent her a picture of what I was packing for Bea to give her some idea of what Ruby would need, and Claire said she was really looking forward to seeing Bea. She then suggested for a couple of days during the holiday we do a "kid swap" where we babysit each other's kids for the day.
  • 06
    I was immediately not keen on this idea, as I have only met Ruby twice and I know nothing about her needs or how to properly look after her. Also, I come on holiday to spend time with my child, not farm her out to other people. I skirted around the issue, saying we could definitely do things together but Claire kept pushing me to agree. She wanted her and Charles to take Bea for a day to go ice skating.
  • 07
    This back and forth went on for a while before I finally said no, I'm not letting you borrow my child, you already have one. Claire said I was being unfair and that she deserves a break and to have an enjoyable holiday, too. She then said she didn't want to borrow my clothes anymore and stopped texting me.
  • 08
    Charles is now saying she's very hurt that I won't let her take Bea out, and that Claire adores her. I said that's not the point, I'm not comfortable caring for Ruby on my own and frankly I find it a bit odd that Claire's idea of a break from parenting involves babysitting. Charles says I'm massively overdramatising and that babysitting Ruby for a few hours doesn't need a degree and I should just help Claire out. Now I'm wondering if he's right. AITA?
  • 09
    000-Hotaru_Tomoe Professor Emeritass [82] 20 hr. ago ΝΤΑ The problem is not only that Claire wants to borrow Bea for a while, the problem is that she wants you to take care of her child with special needs, a child who you don't know (and Ruby doesn't know you and could be uncomfortable around people she doesn't know well) and don't know how to care for.
  • 10
    Now, without wanting to sound too cynical, do you get the impression that Claire somehow resents Ruby in any way, and would like to have a daughter like Bea instead? Her attitude around your child is strange, at best, and it looks like that Claire has something to unpack with a professional therapist.
  • 11
    Frankly, I'd be quite uncomfortable too, leaving my daugther with a woman who seems slightly obsessed with her. 48.3k Reply Share
  • 12
    000-Hotaru_Tomoe 20 hr. ago Professor Emeritass [82] Life has been hard on Claire for sure and I bet she's worn out and exhausted, especially during a busy time with children like Christmas. But she needs to find professional help to learn mechanisms to help her cope. Leaving Ruby with you for a few days is not a long-term solution for her. 1.6k Reply Share ●●

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